Making Our Own Prison Bars in Other's Minds

Habits can facilitate skills or be prisons. Judgement is one of the most common prisons. It puts one behind the bars of their thoughts of what someone else ought to be like. In a way the judge-mental person is in their pretend mind of somone other than themselves. So if we do this we are either in God's business or someone else's business. This means that in judgement we are not at home in our own business where we all rightfully belong. Unfortunatley, we may, through habit, not know we are not home by attempting to live an opinion as someone else's "ought to be."

A simple way that can remind them (and us) of where they (we) are, if there is a modicum of honesty, is to ask four questions, like this: "Is it (what is being said about someone) true?" If "yes," then ask "Do you know it is absolutley true? (as in: are you a God who can see every tiny possibility, and is the judgement absolutly true in every case?) Most often it can be easily seen that there are exceptions or differences. Then ask "How do you feel when you think that thought?" like anger, disapointment, etc., including how the body feels when that thought is paid attention to. Then ask "Who would you be (in that situation, with that person) without that thought?" This question often allows the person to assume an impartial perspective or emotional distance. Sometimes it can be asked if there is an unstressful reason to keep the judgemental thought, or if there is a situation contrary to the thought that is equally true, even in some instances. Then turn it around. In other words, if the judgement was "So-and-so is blah, blah," say "I am blah-blah." See if it fits and how, and see if there are more ways of varying that turn around. Never try to give up the thought, just see if there is any reason to, or if there is some other possibility that simply wasn't on the radar, or wasn't given weight. Just seeing in this way allows the thought to leave you of it's own accord. As my Mentor, K.G. Mills* said, "The thoughts you think are not your own." Attention to a thought gives it, and its train,** life. This method allows the hold of attention to be broken so the thought can go back to where it came from. In some cases these questions have changed lives. They are from Byron Katie,*** a woman of remarkable compassion and understanding.


*Kenneth G. Mills www.kennethgmills.com
** train of thoughts, or the training of habits
***Byron Katie www.thework.com