When I lived in Tucson, AZ, I drove taxis, town cars, and limos, among other
jobs. Later I owned my own landscape design/install company. The limo company I
worked for did "kidnappings", and pub crawls along with regular
business. One day I got a call to do a birthday party pub crawl. I prepared
myself for the worst.
It was four
couples. I picked up the birthday guy and his wife first. They are very nice
people, and I feel somewhat relieved. We collect the others, and off we go.
Well, they all had a hoot and holler of a good time, and all of them get
smashed over the evening. Then it's time to go home, as it's clear that
capacity has been reached, and passing out is the next stage. So I drop them
off a couple at a time and arrive at the birthday guy's home.
Well, I have
to help his wife walk him to the door. Okay, now you have to imagine a really
really good actor doing a rubber person who can't pronounce even "a"
or "I" without seriously slurring it, never mind more complex
words......I wish I could do that typographically, but this is essentially what he
said: "I had a great time, and you are a great driver! Thanks for keeping
us safe! And helping me in...." You don't know this, but in the Summer I'm
the captain of a salmon trawler in the Bering Sea. Now, next season, I'm going
to come home with some big fish. I'm going to bring you a salmon". I again
wish I could provide an imitation. The way he said "salmon" was
priceless.
His wife
nodded and said he's drunk, and I said "Thank you, that's excellent!" and left to
turn in the car, which was surprisingly clean and gloriously free of human
fluids. Months pass. I don't remember, but four or six at least. One day I
answer the phone. I hear "Is this Anton?" I said "Yes, I'm
Anton". He said "Hi! I'm John B.--you took me on a pub crawl with my
wife and friends for my birthday. C'mon over--I've got your fish!" And
damn if he didn't. So I shared it with some neighbors, and it was one of the
best fish I'd ever had. And (by far) the second-best tip I ever got driving! It's
a story I will never forget!
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