This is silly, but someone asked....

One of the favorite sports at a particular dating site is sniping at the "Improve Matches" questions, whether it's their logic, lack of appropriate choices, grammar, or what ever. This one I responded to was about spelling: "What are 'mosqutoes?'" from the question "If you could kill all the mosqutoes in the..."

Well, there are churchtoes, templetoes, synagogtoes, and mosqutoes. They all look pretty much the same and have to wear different things so they can tell themselves apart because if they were naked they couldn't. They fight each other because despite being exactly the same they think their special "clothes" make them the best and only, despite each acting exactly the same. People come from other planets trying to figure this out. "Why do all these 'toes that are exactly the same destroy each other so no one has anything when they could all have everything, because they are all the same and want the same things, except they make themselves think thay are different. Why, why, why?" No one has figured it out yet, and then they all leave because they are civilized and don't wish to be in such rude company.

Announcement: How the Male Mind Works

Elaine Boozler is talking to a large audience, primarily women. The topic (surprisingly) is men and their "unfathomable" behavior. However, Elaine thinks she has a clue, and explains it something like this:

Well, it's obvious we're different. But you see, ladies, you have to understand how the male mind is constructed. I mean, think about it. All people have two halves to their brain, and they're connected with this bridge. But now, we know how we women are: there's always something going on. There's all kinds of communication going on between our two hemispheres. We're thinking about all kinds of things at once, in all kinds of ways. Everything we think about has a history, a future, it's implications, feelings and agendas. We might as well have, ladies, a ten lane superhighway at rush hour that's going on between our two brain parts. Am I right? But the guys, what have the guys got? They've got this little tiny dirt path! Ya gotta feel for them, now don't you? (Roaring laughter and applause)

Of course, on reading the above, a friend of mine said "Well yes, but us guys can tell which truck on that freeway is important, and expedite it!" There's something to that, eh?

That's the goods, as I remember them. If you ever find something by Rita Rudner, you might like her, as well. I saw her live and she was absolutely wonderful!